If She Can Do It, So Can I

Starting all over at the age of fifty plus years old is more common than you think. How many of us too often say “been there done that”. Women who have devoted their lives to caring for their homes and families are more and more looking for a more meaningful way of living, especially after the children have grown and left home to live their own lives. It’s not that they do not love their families, but they have this inner voice telling them that life has something more to give them; that they need to experience something else, perhaps something less material and more spiritual, perhaps a need to do something for someone else in a different culture.

Caribeans Coffee Shop in Puerto ViejoOnly women know what it is like to be a woman. Only women know how difficult it can be to raise a family, even in the best of circumstances; there are many who feel the need to help their own kind in a foreign country find a better way to live; to help them know their purpose, or learn that they have a right to some dignity. It may start as an adventure but it suddenly becomes something much more. Lisa Valencia has just done exactly that, she left her home and family in Montana two years ago to go to Costa Rica and she is very happy that she did!

TW: Lisa, what possessed you to choose Costa Rica? Did you have friends there?

In a foreign country, a smile that’s sincere and from the heart can break the language barrier and break the ice.LISA: I've visited Mexico a number of times over the years and fell in love with the Latin culture – the food, the music, the lovely language and the people, of course. When it came to a place to live, I wanted to be able to find people I could talk to and relate to. I didn't feel that Mexico was that place. Then I visited a town in Costa Rica where some friends from my home town in Montana had moved and I liked it there. The Caribbean has people from so many different cultures and most of them speak English.
 
TW: What did your children think of your packing up and moving to a country so far away?

Costa Rica beachLISA: They were supportive.  I took them on vacation to visit Costa Rica before I decided to go there. That helped because they'd been there. I was the worried one; I was concerned they would feel that I had abandoned them or that I might lose them. The first time I came back to visit after moving to Costa Rica I tearfully asked them if they thought I'd abandoned them. They assured me they didn't feel that way and that I would never lose them. Both have visited me there since and my daughter stayed in Costa Rica.
 
TW: Have you always been adventurous?
 
The Cat Man is always so happy when Gina and Renzzo come by. They bring a huge bag of cat food. He was almost in tears that day and told us we were the answer to his prayers.LISA: When my kids were young I took them from the East coast to Montana to live and it has been one of the best choices I've ever made. I suppose I am adventurous by default. I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen.
 
TW: Are you a painter by profession? What kind of work did you do in Montana?

LISA: I worked for most of my life as an interior designer and mural artist. I also owned a window covering business.

TW: Making a move like this must have taken great strength. Leaving Montana and your family, were you afraid at all?  Fear of the unknown is what often keeps us where we are. When did you come to that moment when you knew this was something you wanted to do?

Bellisimo Puerto Viejo, Costa RicaLISA: Of course I was afraid. The only difference between someone who is held back by fear and someone who pushes through fear is the amount of motivation for change. I moved, as a single mom with two babies, to Montana because I was not willing to raise my children in the middle of the megalopolis. As for my move to Costa Rica, it was motivated by a deep seated need for change and growth. After visiting several third world countries and seeing how the people live happily with so much less I began to feel disenchanted with life in the USA and the consumer society that it has become. Trips to Mexico sparked my love for the Latin culture. Then my kids and I went to Costa Rica for a month. Upon arriving home I wrestled with the idea of continuing my current life or not. After three days I decided and the inner turmoil ceased. I knew it was the right decision because it felt that way.

Pejibaye (Costa Rica, Nicaragua) Bactris gasipaes is a species of palm native to the tropical forests of the South and Central America. The fruit is frequently stewed in salted water. However, it may be eaten raw, peeled and dressed with salt and honey, used to make compotes and jellies, or also used to make flour and edible oil.TW: Throughout the ages, women have had the ability to pioneer in a different land and culture; do you see yourself as a pioneer?

LISA: No, not really. Although I may be helping to pave the way for others. I prefer to see myself as a person who inspires.

TW: If you don’t mind my asking, being a woman on her own, how did you manage to make a move like this financially? How did you survive?

LISA: I did it by sheer determination and unwillingness to let anything stop me! I've never had much money but I have always had high standards for my life. For this challenge I created a plan. It took me seven months to sell my blinds business and get my house and the apartment on my property rented. I left with about 11,000 dollars and some air miles built up from my business. I used half of my money to buy a car. I have done art work and taught ESL (English as a Second Language) and I get a small income from my rental property. None of these have proved to be reliable enough to get by. Now I am trying something new – I am beginning a career as a writer.
 
TW: How did the Costa Ricans look at you? Did they think “what is this crazy American woman doing here? Did they accept you? It is hard enough for a single woman to survive in the US; how much more difficult it must be to survive in a Latin country, where woman are treated differently. Often without respect.

This is the Sixaola River, just outside of Bri Bri. Panama and it’s mountains are on the left side of the river and Costa Rica on the right.LISA: I have only been treated with the utmost respect in Costa Rica! Latin men have their faults but they can be quite gallant, as well. (I have a whole chapter about them in my book. It is quite amusing.) Some may have thought I was crazy. I stayed with a Costa Rican family during a one week language school immersion program. The mom in that family, just a few years older than me, seemed to think there was something deeply wrong with my decision to leave my family. And she was worried about my well being. But she was accepting of my decision and always very kind to me. Regarding respect and acceptance, I think anywhere you go people react to you according to the way you see yourself. If you accept and respect yourself then others do too. The Costa Rican culture is different than ours in North America, but Costa Ricans have a friendly and generous nature. If you like them they'll like you.

Sloth - Costa RicaTW: What are your plans? I know you want to return to Costa Rica? Are you thinking of traveling to any other country? Since you have become fluent in Spanish, maybe going further into South America?
 
LISA: I wish I was fluent in Spanish. I am nowhere near that, but I can get around and discuss whatever I need to. I love the language and practice a little each day. I will be returning to Costa Rica in about a month. I would like to do lots more traveling - all over Latin America. But right now I must live frugally. At the moment my daughter needs me. She is in the area of Costa Rica where I had been living. I think I'll get her out of there for a while and we will do some exploring of other parts of the country.

TW:  You have said that your children were supportive in your move to Costa Rica.  In what way?

Moving to Costa Rica alone and with minimal Spanish speaking skills created some of the greatest challenges I have ever faced. All I could do was tell myself, “I can do this!” and push on.LISA: As I said, my daughter (age 20) came to visit me and stayed there. My son (age 24) surprised me by coming up with the money for a ticket on his own. He stayed for two months. I have seen him back in Montana but he just took off to live with his girlfriend in Colorado. He has his own adventures. I imagine I will have things worked out so as to be close to each of them for part of the year when they have kids. This time, before I become a grandmother, is a window of freedom that I cherish!
 
TW: Costa Rica is known to be very poor and humid. You write that you did some research about Costa Rica, what was it that caused you to choose this country rather than say, Columbia, or Guatemala or one of the other Central American countries?

I felt like I went on a journey with the way you told your story…it captivated me with interest of what would happen next. The way you write is beautiful…it’s descriptive and let’s one into your spirit… Kate from HawaiiLISA: Costa Rica is the most developed and prosperous of the Central American countries, with Panama following close behind. It has a stable government which helps to make it a safer place than some of the other Central American countries. I think it is the easiest country for someone from North America to transition and adapt to. South America was just too far away, too big a leap for my first time. Oh, and the humidity, I love it - makes my skin feel years younger!

TW: Were you looking for a less material way of life?

LISA: Definitely. And the process of moving and then living very frugally and even being robbed, has taught me great lessons about my attachment to material things.

TW: Do you have any regrets? What were the pitfalls you experienced that you can share with our readers?

Photo by Manuel Antonio - Costa RicaLISA: No regrets, none at all. I made lots of mistakes but that is part of the deal. I planned and prepared for seven months before I went to Costa Rica. I could have prepared for seven years and still made the same mistakes. You just have to get out there and do it! The pitfalls are too many to tell. You'll have to read my book. I was robbed three times, but never hurt and never lost anything seriously irreplaceable, like money, credit cards or my indispensable laptop. I've felt lost and lonely and I've run out of money twice. Nevertheless, I have learned and grown stronger from the experiences and I can't wait to get back there. And the confidence I have gained from overcoming so many obstacles that fell into my path makes me feel now that I can do almost anything! There is no way to gain that feeling of confidence except to work against almost insurmountable odds and survive.

TW:  How does your mother respond to your living in Costa Rica?

LISA: My  mother is not happy about my leaving but then she never was. In spite of that she is supportive. She wants me to be happy. I wanted to bring her down there but when she found out there were bugs and snakes and heat and humidity, she declined.  
 
TW: You say “If she can do it, I can do it”? Do you still feel that way?

LISA: Well yes. She is me! The name of my book, "If She Can Do It, So Can I!" surfaced after I had been writing my journals for quite a while. In order to meet the challenges that faced me in my new life, many times I found myself saying, in order to convince myself, "I can do this." Because of my writing, others began to look to me for inspiration and in turn, I looked to them for encouragement. That became the theme of my book. And yes, I still feel that way. In fact I feel that way more so. I am even more determined. Lately I have been saying to friends in trouble, when you have nothing else, you have to hang on to your determination. Well, that is one thing I have plenty of. Determination changes the "I can do it." to "I am doing it."

TW: What has Costa Rica taught you? Living in an entirely different culture than Montana, how do you see the United States now?

LISA: I will always love my wonderful Montana and I plan to keep my home here but in some ways it is difficult for me to be in the States. My values are different from the values I see expressed around me. The consumerism and tight hold the power of money has on our country is hard to abide.

TW: Do you feel that it has changed you? And how would you describe who you are today compared to the woman who left everything behind to see something new and different?
 
LISA: Oh it has changed me for sure. The last chapter of my book is titled - from the words of Thomas Wolfe - "You Can't Go Home Again." This is an archetypical experience. Since I left my old life behind two years ago, I am still the same curious person, interested in everything and excited about life but now, I feel much better equipped to go out there and explore. Each little accomplishment makes me feel, believe, and know that I can do more. And each time I do more I am moved to go, yet further. I have confidence, enthusiasm and most of all, I have discovered that circumstance is leading me to a higher calling. I know in my heart that the path I travel, in pursuit of my passion, is one set to be of benefit to others. I envision a world where we are encouraged to follow our dreams and I hope through sharing my experiences that vision will take form.

Lisa's website: http://www.travelexperiencecostarica.com